Reflections of 2024

Reflection: noun. To give serious thought or consideration. Taking time to think about, meditate on or evaluate your behaviors, thoughts, motivations and desires.

As we come to the close of another year it seems that there is a strong desire to see the incoming year as a clean slate, a do over, a fresh start, the year that will make all the difference and my favorite “This is MY year!”. If I’m being perfectly transparent, I approached each new year in the same manner for nearly all my life. Sadly, just as fast as the visualization poster was hung, resolutions were made, the new calendar and journal bought and the same weight loss goal was set, the visions of “This is MY year” had faded by mid January. Did you know that research says that only 1% of people who make resolutions stick to them the whole year? Quitter’s Day is a real thing. It’s the second Friday in January and is when many people quit their resolutions. I’ve decided to approach things differently this year.

I was fortunate to find the work of Kathleen Cameron a while back and her teaching really resonates with me. She led a 2 day class on how to close out 2024 and welcome in 2025 a few weeks ago. In no way will I attempt to replicate her teaching here, rather I want to share the impact that work had on me personally and what I learned from it. It was a mind shifter for sure. Here’s the gist. First, you can’t go somewhere new without looking at where you have been. Our first assignment was to go through the pictures on our phones by month, observe, reflect and take notes. I also did the same by going through my FB posts and an overview of my calendar. The goal here is to see patterns, watch your health, events, fashion, hair styles, energy, mood, etc. Really anything that hops off the page to you. It really only took about 90 minutes and it was eye-opening!

First thing I noticed… I was really tired in 2024. lol The second thing I noticed was that I made some really major gains in my physical rehabilitation. Being in it day to day, trudging through the mud and not seeing gains quickly was challenging. However, in January 2024 I went to Northwestern doctor day in a wheel chair, carrying big green tanks of oxygen and only able to walk 804 feet in 6 minutes with breaks. Ten days ago, I went to doctor day walking, with my portable oxygen and walked 1425 feet in 6 minutes. January 2024, nearly all my hair had fallen out. By spring, I posted pics of a baby duck on FB because my hair started growing and I looked like a fuzzy duckling. Then, just recently in December, I got my first real haircut with hair to cut! I walked my first 3000 steps in a day in January 2024 (and needed a 2 hour nap), 5000 steps in February, 6158 and 7252 steps in March and 8031 steps in April. Then, in May I walked my first mile, albeit very slowly. I went from 20 hours a week at Shirley Ryan, to 8 hours a week of outpatient PT/Pulmonary rehab in May and now I just started at Planet Fitness in December! If not for this exercise of reflection I would not have seen the gains. Stepping back and taking in the whole picture brought up feelings of pride, accomplishment and reignited determination for the next phase in this health journey I’m on.

I also saw I did waaaay more than I thought I did this year: From starting to drive, getting a pedicure on my own, attending a retirement party, a gala, mowing my yard, flower shopping, attending an overnight workshop, going to the county fair, driving to my sister’s lake house for 5 days (and getting in the lake), going to a concert, hosting Gilly’s birthday party, shopping and taking her to therapy in Wisconsin, cooking again, going up the stairs at the movies, and my most favorite that happened last night, I wrapped all of the Christmas presents myself. Last year, I was too weak to wrap and had someone else do it for me. There is nothing like the joy that comes from getting to shop and wrap Christmas gifts! Now, were all of these tings easy? Absolutely not. I had to take breaks. And was slow. And huffed and puffed. And it was physically hard. And I did them. I lived my life.

There were some not so great things I uncovered during the reflection too. I hit patches of depression and anxiety in March and September. They were both tied to my infusions being denied by insurance and delayed. The uncertainty of getting an expensive drug that is keeping me breathing was very stressful. Not to mention, when the medication wears off my breathing becomes much more labored and the pain in my muscles, ligaments and joints makes it hard to stand up. I also sleep a lot during that time. Good news is that now I know and have made a plan with my doctors to combat insurance delays. What had me feeling helpless, has now shifted to empowered going into 2025. So good.

The reflection exercise gets better. The next step was to list out all the things I wanted to keep from 2024 and bring into 2025 AND all of the things that I wanted to bless and release from 2024. MAN! This was gold. Burning the list of the things to leave behind was cathartic. I felt an immediate sense of relief. Closure. Contentment. Reviewing the list of what I wanted to bring forward such as continued progress on my health, getting out in nature more, deeper work into who Kelly 2.0 is and supporting Gilly’s independence felt like “Hell YES!” . It is powerful and joyous. The next step was to barf out 50 things that I want in my life – people, places, things. Everything I chose supported the things I wanted to bring forward into 2025. The ideas just kept flowing! Real things that create the feelings that I want to feel and the woman I’m building a new relationship with. So good.

From that exercise came choosing a word and creating a vision board. This was different than any vision board I’d ever done before. It wasn’t filled with things that I wanted or hoped would happen ,like the picture of the size 6 woman in a bikini on a stand up paddle board that I’d put on past boards. These are things I can visualize happening, They are different because I know how they made me feel in 2024: proud, empowered, joyful, determined and accomplished. They aren’t a set of goals or resolutions that came from a place of shame and punishment. For example: I’m ashamed of how I look so I will lose 25 pounds in 2025 and go to the gym everyday. I’ll eat only Paleo. Can you see why resolutions don’t stick? Nothing that makes us feel shame can take us anywhere good. I’m not here to tell you not to make resolutions. You do you. However, I encourage you to reflect (Reflection: noun. To give serious thought or consideration. Taking time to think about, meditate on or evaluate your behaviors, thoughts, motivations and desires) on 2024. Decide what to keep and bring with you into 2025 and decide what needs to stay in 2024.

As you reflect, I hope that following along on this journey with me is something you will keep into 2025. We have many more adventures ahead of us this year.

Sending you love and peace in 2025!

K