Tradition. The handing down of information, beliefs, or customs from one generation to another.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. No religion. No gifts. No fictional character. Just food and fellowship. Over the years, Thanksgiving Day has changed as we have moved, grown up, married, and experienced lives lost. I’ve been blessed to spend everyone of them with people I care about. As a kid, until about age 10, we spent the day with family; usually at home or at grandparents. I don’t have clear memories of those early years and in all of our family photos (trust me when I say that my dad documented everything and if you know you know) there are not many to serve as historical evidence of where we gathered. After 10 years old, holidays took on a whole new meaning. My parents had embarked on their dream of opening a restaurant… in our basement. You read that right. While I don’t believe they dreamt of it being literally in our basement, it was how the plan rolled out. My parents were in there mid 30’s, had 3 kids under 10 and couldn’t afford both a house and a separate restaurant. I’m sure you have questions about that childhood experience and I’ll write more on it at a later time (oh, the stories I could tell!). For the purpose of this writing it’s important to know how living on top of a restaurant relates to how Thanksgiving became my favorite.
If you have ever worked in the restaurant industry, you know it’s a very different way of life. If you have ever managed a restaurant, you know its an 18 hour a day job. And if you have ever owned a restaurant, you know it’s a 24/7/365 job; EXCEPT for New Years Day, Easter Sunday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. These were the only days of the year, we didn’t have customers, staff, and delivery personnel in our basement. These were the only days we had our parents to ourselves. These were sacred days to me. We worked Christmas Eve and NY Eve into the late hours and the next day our family festivities began late after getting much needed sleep. Easter Sunday was busy with church and grandparents visiting. But, Thanksgiving… it was a family day. Preparing food, eating all day, no fancy church or Christmas outfits, just sweats and crazy turkey shirts. We always had mom’s onion stuffing, a turkey and a goose and lingonberries. No one ever touched the lingonberries but my dad insisted that we have them to honor his Swedish heritage. Grandparents visited, my sister married, had babies and added them to the mix. These were my Thanksgivings through college and into adulthood, until I got married.
After marriage, like most, my husband and I split the holidays and rotated every other year between his family and mine. His mom hosted, it was crazy busy and so much fun! I inherited 4 sister in laws, an aunt, his grandparents and 15 nieces and nephews. It was a full house and everyone was in the kitchen at the same time. Lots of champagne. Lots of highchairs. Lots of football. And lots of dogs, yes they all brought their dogs. After dinner, we would lay around the living room and look at the ad flyers for Black Friday sales. Keep in mind, this is before the internet and when Black Friday was an event. All the girls would get up at 4am, fill our mugs with coffee, cram into the car and go get in lines. We left all the kids with the guys. Some times we had to divide and conquer taking 2 cars depending on the hot toy item of the season. Back then Black Friday was more like a contact sport! I remember one year, my sister in law was reaching for the last of a highly sought after toy and another woman bum rushed her and took the toy out of her hands. All I can say, is that it wasn’t pretty, no one was hurt (too badly) and my niece loved the toy on Christmas morning. By 9am we’d be done and exhausted, then go grab breakfast, head home to drop off the purchases, grab showers and head back out. Such great memories of that time in my life.
The next phase in life came with my parent’s retirement, them moving into a beautiful home (with no restaurant in the basement), my brother married, they had a son and our daughter was born. We were still splitting Thanksgiving with my inlaws, however, my daughter changed everything. It was so important to us as parents to build traditions with her. My mom continued having the Saturday after Thanksgiving family decorating parties at their new house. That woman could throw a party! Prime rib, roasted potatoes, aujus so good you could drink it with a straw. In exchange, us kids, me, my sister and brother and our families would put up the Christmas tree, decorate the banister and put the lights outside. My poor brother had to crawl up in the attic and lug everything down and then put it back up at the end of the season. These were some of the absolute best Thanksgivings of my life. I have a very crazy family and when you got us all together – let’s just say it was a so good.
Thanksgiving took a pretty major shift shortly there after. I was recovering from a cancer diagnosis, our daughter was diagnosed with autism, my husband got brain cancer and passed away and my mom had a massive stroke. All in the span of 4 years. Even with so much tragedy, we all managed to get together for Thanksgiving. My sister was wonderful in keeping the beautiful table set for the holiday, my sister in law took over making the thanksgiving dinner at my parents with my mom talking her through each step of the onion dressing from her wheel chair and my dad kept telling hunting stories of days gone by. We still found ways to laugh. Like the time we all thought each other took the turkey out of the freezer only to find out at noon on Thanksgiving day that no one had. Or the time my sister in law and I tried our hand at grilling the turkey and set it on fire, burned it beyond recognition. Tho it was a bittersweet time, we were together. Resilient.
Thanksgiving shifted again when my brother and sister in law took on Thanksgiving and we spent it at their house. These years were so precious to me as I look back. My sister in law spoiled us rotten! She decorated, cooked, set up, cleaned up and made things so special. In addition to our family, her family was there making for some great conversation and lots of laughs. From the Fanny May chocolate turkeys at each place setting, her fantastic stuffing cups, the best tasting turkey and my nephew’s crazy turkey hat he wore every year, she and my brother created a space of love, acceptance and gratitude. Their home was the true essence of Thanksgiving. After a number of years, we would shift Thanksgiving again as my brother passed away. I can’t begin to explain the hole that left in our family. My heart still hurts. Another blow came when my mom passed only a few years after my brother. Her presence is missed every day. We have quite a collection of special family in heaven and I am confident they are drinking a lot of beer each Thanksgiving Day.
Every year since then Thanksgivings have looked different. Most of them have been at my house with my dad and we zoom my sister and her family. Last year was an extremely important Thanksgiving and while not my favorite, it is the one I have been most grateful for. After nearly dying only 5 months before I was alive, home from the hospital, still learning walk and, while there was no turkey, there was pizza! I loved the quiet of being with my little family; me, dad and my daughter. We laughed, danced (well, my daughter and dad did), played dice and were together. This year, I’m so grateful we are spending it with my sister at her house. I have no doubt that she will put on a spread just like my mom did. We will laugh. Dad will tell hunting stories and we will just be together eating good food and being grateful for another Thanksgiving day.
Some families have deeply rooted customs on Thanksgiving that have been passed down from generation to generation . A special table cloth, matching sweatshirts, homemade pierogis, fierce game night competitions, a walk after dinner, naps or grandma’s china. Our family doesn’t have traditional traditions and my desire to create new traditions for my daughter hasn’t looked very, well… traditional. What I can say is that as a family we have consistently always made time for each other on the holidays, we have supported each other through good times and rough ones, we have shown love and gratitude to each other, laughed (a lot) and eaten some delicious meals. So, I guess those are our family traditions. In looking back, I’m really proud of us as a family and I’m very much looking forward to as many more Thanksgivings as I’m blessed to have. No matter what your traditions, know this, it’s not about where you go, what you eat, what you wear or even if you want to get up off the couch and go. Just go. The magic is in the memories. Making memories IS the tradition. Tell those stories over and over and pass them down to generations. My dad is a great grandfather now and we are 4 generations strong. Even though we all roll our eyes when he launches into his hunting stories they will be one of the things I will miss the most about Thanksgiving one day. Go make traditions that last generations.
Sending you and yours blessings this Thanksgiving. May your turkey be delicious, may you laugh and may you slow down and create memories.
All my best,
K